Okay so I’m afraid this is going to be a bit of a rant (about camping hence the title) so if you don’t like slightly crazy rants or if you like camping this post probably isn’t for you!
Alternatively if you love a good rant no matter what it’s about you’ve come to the right place, so read on my rant loving chum.
Let us begin…
You are for ever hearing people say camping brilliant, getting out in the country, getting some fresh air, becoming closer to nature, blah blah blah…
But I think that’s probably not what they’re thinking when they’re trying to sleep in a tent, the rain is pouring and drips of water are leaking in.
In my opinion there are so many more reason NOT to go camping than there are TO go camping (especially here in England)
We’ll start with the cold. There’s no heating, no comfy sofa, no warm plump duvet just a sleeping bag that makes you claustrophobic and hardly keeps you warm at all. And the only way (in my opinion) to keep warm is to pile on the jumpers, tights and woolly socks, curl up in your sleeping bag and refuse to move till morning.
As well as the cold there is the ever confusing matter of… The air bed! You fall asleep on a comfy, air-filled mattress and you wake up in the early hours of the morning (cold) and on an airless, flat mattress, the lumps, bumps and rock under the tent poking into your back making it utterly impossible to get back to sleep.
Another highly confusing aspect of camping is the highly complex and intricate art of… The tent construction! So many poles, pegs and tarpaulins and pointless instructions. Insert pole A to pole BC attach to pole Z, insert pole XYZ into pocket TUV and finally when you’ve done it all and it still doesn’t look like a tent you realise there’s something wrong over 20 steps ago and now you have to start again.
Now we move on to the meal part of camping. As well as you being freezing cold, the cold weather will make your dinner go cold unbelievably quickly, so much so that the minute you’ve cooked it you’re going to have to have to eat it as fast as you can so it’s still hot when you eat it.
Next we move on to the night-time toilet dilemma. So you’re finally warm and you realise you need the loo, eventually you decide you can’t wait you need to go now. Firstly you have to put a pair of shoes on then you have to make the trek across the camping site in the darkness, cold and even possible rain just to go to the loo. And finally when you get back you have to yet again try to get warm.
Finally, my last and concluding part of the rant is aimed at those of you who are sat there saying “what if the weather nice” “What if it’s not cold”.
Well dear reader this is the reason camping is bad even when the weather’s good, one word for you… INSECTS! Insects, flies, ants, wasps, you name it! They’re everywhere; crawling on your dinner when you’re cooking and eating, crawling in and around your bed while you try to sleep, buzzing around your head and all around your tent.
Deep breath, rant over! Have I enlightened you to the horrors of camping? Or just scared you off with and weird and confusing rant about tents and cold?
Do you have any other reason to hate camping? Or do you to hate something as weird as camping?